Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
