I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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