You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
