i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
