please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
