His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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