i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have so many feelings about this burrito
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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