YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
