I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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