Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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