Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize