State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
