If that was your dad, he is hot
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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