I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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