He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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