I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
