Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
