You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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