i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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