Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
