OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
