I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
