Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
