I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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