alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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