he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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