Apparently you make a good broom.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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