U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
