You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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