We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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