So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
