i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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