Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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