Are we in a gay sports bar?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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