I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
