exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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