I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
