Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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