my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
