if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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