She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
