Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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