i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
