she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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