take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
