At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
