this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
