When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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