he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
