We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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