Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
