i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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