Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
