We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
