Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
