He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
