I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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