WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
