so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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