i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
