i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
