he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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