Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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