Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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