I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
