i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
