you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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