A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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