im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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