Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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