I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
