I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize