haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
