Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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