You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
