Fuck appropriateness.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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