you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
