Will you blow on my dice?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
