Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
kristin has been a bad kristin
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
